i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
