What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
