you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
