Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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