Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
