last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
