saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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