Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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