I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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