do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
