he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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