I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
