Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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