This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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