what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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