Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
