I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
