My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize