well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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