Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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