my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
