Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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