Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
