Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
