she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
