so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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