I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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