my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
