My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
