we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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