Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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