I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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