Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
