Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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