Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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