Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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