How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
