Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
