Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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