when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can text with my tongue
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
there is glitter all over my balls
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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