I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
