My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
