Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
