You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize