If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
