mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
