i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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