I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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