the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
