chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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