in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
