You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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