He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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