I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
