ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
