apparently the secret to your success is patron
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
