if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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