Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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