Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
false alarm, still single
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
