I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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