just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize