Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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