no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
