Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
