You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
