Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
