no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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