i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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