Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
