You just made me feel so damn special
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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