I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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