I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
