Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
