Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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