I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
