dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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