If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
