that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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