we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
