Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
