There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
