i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
