did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
