i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
