I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
