On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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