Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
