Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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