Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
