Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
