I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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