the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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