Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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