paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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