Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
love makes seman taste better
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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