hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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