Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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