i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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